Monday, 14 September 2015

HOW TO BE A SOCIALITE IN TEN STEPS



HOW TO BE A SOCIALITE
(in ten stoopid steps) 








How to be a Socialite step one: The Exchange.
Person one: "I don't believe we've met."
Socialite: "I can't imagine in a hundred years why we would have."


How to be a Socialite step two: The Compliment.
Person one: "The pleasure is all mine"
Socialite: "How very perceptive of you."










How to be a Socialite step three: The Offer.
Person one: "Perhaps I might get you a drink?"
Socialite: "How very perceptive of you."






How to be a Socialite step four: The Sexual Come On.
Person one: "I hope you don't mind but I find you very, very attractive."
Socialite: "Mind? Why should I mind? I wasn't hiding so I can't imagine why you think you've 'found' me. But I must say If I were hiding it would be because you are what one would call 'a tramp' and if you had actually 'found' me I would certainly hope that you'd make an effort to change tax brackets to repeat those words to me." 

...or "How very perceptive of you."








How to be a Socialite step five: The Gift.
Person one: "I would very much care for you to accept this."
Socialite: "Your manners are impeccable but I'm afraid this gift is wholly impractical."
Person One: "But..but it is a diamond."
Socialite: "It is singularly impractical."
Person one: "I am so very sorry."
Socialite: "How perceptive of you."






How to be a Socialite step six: The Financial Locator.
Person one: "Your lifestyle seems so very extravagant. I am in awe."
Socialite: "Did you say you were in oil or Orr?"
Person one: "Awe."
Socialite: "You're from Boston!"








How to be a Socialite step seven: The Mustard.
Person one: "Would you please accept this gift of several hundred thousand pounds sterling as a
gesture of good will?"
Socialite: "No. I don't touch cash. Here are my bank details...here is my cellphone. But I forget
myself. You Europeans say 'mobile'. How quaint."
Person one: "Yes. Mobile."
Socialite: "So you are in oil."








How to be a Socialite step eight: The Invitation and Avoidance.
Person one: "Perhaps you would care to sample the cocktails made by my houseboy Choocho at my
Mexican villa?"
Socialite: "Sample? Does the poor boy only make small measures?"
Person one: "You misunderstand..."
Socialite: "How very perceptive of you. Now call my bank, I'm growing bored with you."







How to be a Socialite step nine: The Truth.
Person one: "You seem distracted."
Socialite: "It's the walls. I think the paint is drying." 




How to be a Socialite step ten: The Parting.
Person one: "I've never been so insulted in my life!"

Socialite:"How perceptive of you. So it's agreed. We shall never meet again."









3 comments:

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  2. What is electronic Indian Visa (India e-Visa)?
    Government of India has launched electronic travel authorisation or eTA for India which allows citizens of 180 countries to travel to India without requiring a physical stamping on the passport. This new type of authorisation is called an eVisa India (or electronic India Visa). It is this electronic India Visa Online that allows foreign visitors to visit India for five major purposes, tourism / recreation short term courses, business, medical visit or conferences. There are further number of sub-categories under each visa type. All foreign travellers are required to hold an India eVisa (India Visa Online application process) or a regular/paper Visa prior to entry into the country as per Indian Government Immigration Authorities.
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  3. What is electronic Indian Visa (India e-Visa)?
    Government of India has launched electronic travel authorisation or eTA for India which allows citizens of 180 countries to travel to India without requiring a physical stamping on the passport. This new type of authorisation is called an eVisa India (or electronic India Visa). It is this electronic India Visa Online that allows foreign visitors to visit India for five major purposes, tourism / recreation short term courses, business, medical visit or conferences. There are further number of sub-categories under each visa type. All foreign travellers are required to hold an India eVisa (India Visa Online application process) or a regular/paper Visa prior to entry into the country as per Indian Government Immigration Authorities.
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